Very quickly, here’s a disclaimer. I will be making fun of zodiac signs and these horoscopes are for entertainment purposes only! Please don’t take these seriously.

Aries: If you’re going to be doing something stupid this week, make sure you can get away with it first. Don’t overestimate yourself, chill out, try to be humble, work through things slowly. Like when planning that dumb and or stupid thing.

Taurus: You may feel extremely stubborn this week. Stop it. Just because you don’t want to do something doesn’t mean you don’t have to do it. Do it.

Gemini: Are you currently hiding something from someone? If not then that’s cool. If so, you probably shouldn’t keep that to yourself.

Cancer: For people of the Cancer sign, you may feel like your home life is slightly stressful right now. Calm down and take a breath. Also, please stop being loud in the middle of the night. Like could you not? People are trying to sleep.

Leo: Of course you’d say that. You’re a Leo. Check yourself. Are you being arrogant and self-centered? Stereotypically yes, but are you really? That’s very Leo of you. Try to be a little kinder this week.

Virgo: Shut up about your coffee order. It is needlessly complicated. Just order a black coffee and be done.

Libra: The stars (I) don’t lie. You need to clean your room. Just a vibe y’know? Get cleaning. Maybe the dishes need to be done, do those too.

Scorpio: First your birthday may have already passed or is close, so happy birthday! Next, relax dude. You’ve got this. Whatever ‘this’ is. Pet your dog/cat/whatever. Did you get a little brother? Pet him. 

Sagittarius: Most of these are about people putting things off but that’s just because that’s an easy thing to relate to and joke about. You seem cool though.

Capricorn: Could you shut up about your future for a second? Think about where you are right now. Your future is in the future, where you aren’t so stop thinking about it.

Aquarius: I know what you did. You gotta go fix that. Do it. Now. Stop putting it off. I know you’re putting things off. Procrastination kills my dude.

Pisces: Get some sleep. Please. Also, work on that thing you’re putting off. I know you’re doing that. Your art will always be there, but that due date is coming up. People may ask you for advice. Ignore them. You have things to do.

Well, there are some horoscopes. They aren’t very funny but hopefully, you enjoyed them regardless. Have a nice week, and seriously, work on that one thing.